Have you ever been in love but knowing that you are not meant to be? I have… I am.
It started as a crush. A person that is admirable. I idolise the person and wanting to be just as good, just as capable. It is a crush in the beginning that I know meant nothing because this kind would usually go away once you get to know the person. My prediction is, I would find things that is less admirable and move on.
I was right. Well, at least in the beginning I was. I realised and I know that this crush cannot go further than that since demographically, emotionally, mentally and everything is just plain impossible. I was alright with it. I am, alright, with it.
Then we become friends, even better, comrades. We discover ways to work together and we work so well together. He becomes more and more admirable. My feelings are on and off. But I know I appreciate his presence as a friend and a fellow comrade who is fighting for the same cause.
I do learn a lot from him. I’m taking advantage of that. I love the learning and I become better every time. We share thoughts and carry the burdens together. But it wasn’t just the two of us of course. But he is my biggest stepping stone.
I know my feelings. But I also know that the distance is good. I can never be closer. I don’t have to be. I’m okay with this gap. He is admirable indeed. I cannot not like him. There is nothing about him that ticks me off.
It’s good to be friends. He is dear. Precious being that should be protected. If no one is protecting him, I know he is more than capable of protecting himself. But I will be where I can be to make sure he does not fall. Or if he does, than I will be his cane to get himself back up, though I might not be as helpful. I’ll do what I can as long as he is within my view.